the weekend home struck a chord.
i always knew where home truly is and after such a weekend,
the seductiveness of home is proving harding to surpress.
the weekend was not all fun and joy,
there were moments of silences, of uncertainty and worry.
yet, i fully embraced it.
sure, its easy to love home when its all food galore, reunions and parties
but when shit hits the fan - is it easy to love home then?
and my answer is yes.
its still too easy to slip into the arms of people you hold close to your heart,
even when you see and sense the uncertainty and fear in their voice, their demeanour;
actually - especially when you see them in that state.
you just want to hold them and rock them to a peaceful oblivion.
you begin to feel the inadequateness of your absence and
you question if the freedom of being away and staking your life in uncharted territories is comparable to being there for the people you love.
a resounding negativity rings.
i have been away from home for 3.5 years, when is it enough for me?
do i really want to be the global citizen (read: normad) i dream myself to be?
i cannot see myself in 1, 2, 5, 10 years time; i dare not.
because forecasting equivalates to expectations and when such self imposed expectations fail, i've learnt that they sting with a vengence.
someone wrote to me before that he would go to the corners of the world for the ones he love,
and at that time, i was younger and didn't quite understand the complexity of that statement.
but 5 years later, i think i'm just beginning to grasp that concept.
i suppose he was my age when he made that statement, so it must come with age.
lift me up when your spirits are high, let me climb into the ditch with you when you are low.
call me across the land and oceans and i'll be there with you.
jiLL divulged at 8:04 PM 0 Comments